Mr. C

A WWII veteran, “Mr. C.” became a father figure for me when my own dad died far too young.

Mr. C could be authoritative and intimidating.  He also constantly talked about his war experiences which really turned-off this hippy-wannabe-child of the early 70’s.  

One day though, Mr. C told a chilling tale about capturing some Nazi troops.  “They were just boys,” he recalled.   As the American officer in charge, he ordered them to line up and throw down their weapons.  Not a single German soldier moved.

Mr. C immediately began his search, and as suspected, the very first Nazi was still armed.  Mr. C shouted in perfect German, “I said, throw down your weapons!”  In the next instant, my current surrogate father, then military leader instinctively disarmed, shot, and killed that boy for disobedience. Without any further hesitation, the rest of the prisoners finally complied.

At that moment, I realized Mr. C wasn’t bragging about his exploits.  His story-telling was confessional. He wasn’t proud but more agonized. He was in an extraordinary, dire situation where it was either kill or be killed. 

I finally realized the stress he must have been under during his tenure as an officer in WWII--all the nightmares he lived,  witnessed and endured:  heartbreaking, mind altering, and life changing.   Mr. C managed to survive somehow but not without deep and everlasting invisible wounds.

Once a French friend asked me, “Don’t Americans realize war is bad?” 

I guess some of us don’t.

"Killing is often misrepresented on film as being far easier than it is. In reality, the “duty” is mentally taxing, leaving most soldiers physically ill in the moment and often haunted by nightmares for a lifetime. Being responsible for ending the life of another human is a significant source of trauma...;"

"Death Becomes Us: The Psychological Trauma Of Killing"

Mad Season w/ Layne Stanley

"I don't wanna be a soldier," John Lennon