Collateral Damage

I don't think I'm cut out to be "handy."

 
I tried to replace
the cracked toilet-seat
in the guest bathroom.
I watched YouTube videos
about how easy it was.
And I just KNEW
I could do-it-myself, too.
So I tried. By God I tried.

The first bolt loosened easily.
The second one-not so much.
I used every. single. weapon 

I could find.
IT WOULDN'T BUDGE.
Struggling for hours
to slay the beast
I gave up.

Next morning,
I awoke with a huge bruise
on my "ahem" right chest area-
from wedging myself between
the wall and toilet to
wage war against
a superior adversary:
a stuck plastic nut.

I fought a brave battle,
but "the nut" prevailed,
kicking my prideful butt
to the curb--literally,
with my having only
the scars of a battle lost
and a sad story to tell about
how I came to have a bruise
the size of a softball
on my "ahem" 

right chest area.

"Le sigh."

Lesson learned:
"Call the man."