The first day of the rest of my life...

Frank Zappa

Dearest George, 

This second year of "life without you" has been a challenge emotionally, coming to grips with a new reality as well as creating new hopes and dreams alone since those we built together have been altered if not completely destroyed.  And now after two years I’m going live my life because I know you wouldn’t want me or any of us stuck in a cycle of mourning.  

I’m making new friends--if not a lot.  But I’ve never needed a lot of friends.  However, these friends and I have so much in common—our bond has been easy to develop, not challenging to maintain due to differences in the way we see the world first and foremost.  I’m building a “tribe" of love and mutual respect.  Now I dare to be, embracing happiness with the knowledge I am not alone.  None of us are. 

I'm making concrete plans to celebrate "being" and "living."  I'm creating new traditions.  I'm seeking out peace and enlightenment.  I'm getting back on track with "business" I've put on hold, while giving-in to grief completely in order to heal.  So I’m very enthusiastic and even joyful to experience the present while looking forward to the future, learning from the past.     

I will always celebrate your life and milestones.  I will always have a profound love for you, and thank God every day for the gift of having you in my life. You changed me fundamentally as a person, teaching me how to be a more compassionate human being--to listen even when letting go.  And for you I will always be eternally grateful.

God is good--as you've have always tried to tell me, but now  I finally understand.  You and I still gaze at the stars together; we always will. 

Love always my angel,

Donna

"When I grow to old to dream," Oscar Hammerstein II

We have been gay Going our way Life has been beautiful We have been young After you've gone Life will go on Like an old song we have sung When I grow too old to dream I'll have you to remember When I grow too old to dream Your love will live in my heart So kiss me my sweet And so let us part And when I grow too old to dream That kiss will live in my heart And when I grow too old to dream Your love will live in my heart Oh your love will live in my heart

"When I Grow To Old To Dream"

Linda Ronstadt

Ordinarily Extraordinary

"Being ordinary is fine. Despite all the funny things, the glorious achievements we see, and people’s wonderful lives on Facebook etc, is it healthier, emotionally, to let go of comparisons, of what people we don’t really know, think?

Most of us are ordinary at most things, but I’d like to offer a proviso. We are not born into equal circumstances with equal DNA mapping. Even through effort alone, we are all still better at some things than others," "The Fear Of Being Ordinary," Susan Lattwein, February 22, 2014.

"Corner of the Sky,"

William Katts,

Pippin

"...That which we are, we are," Alfred, Lord Tennyson

René Descartes

"...Old age hath yet his honour and his toil;

Death closes all: but something ere the end,

Some work of noble note, may yet be done,

Not unbecoming men that strove with Gods.

The lights begin to twinkle from the rocks:

The long day wanes: the slow moon climbs: the deep

Moans round with many voices. Come, my friends,

'T is not too late to seek a newer world.

Push off, and sitting well in order smite

The sounding furrows; for my purpose holds

To sail beyond the sunset, and the baths

Of all the western stars, until I die.

It may be that the gulfs will wash us down:

It may be we shall touch the Happy Isles,

And see the great Achilles, whom we knew.

Tho' much is taken, much abides; and tho'

We are not now that strength which in old days

Moved earth and heaven, that which we are, we are;

One equal temper of heroic hearts,

Made weak by time and fate, but strong in will

To strive, to seek, to find, and not to yield"--

"Ulysses," Alfred, Lord Tennyson

Lessons

"I accepted that sometimes good people do stupid things, and that’s just a fact of life. I don’t understand why people shoot children in schools, why our government doesn’t take action on climate change, or why Trump was elected President. Volumes have been written on why things are the way they are, but the world is still a mess and I’m still disappointing to my mom.

Even Buddha or Christ probably broke someone’s heart at some point in their lives. Understanding why Art made the choices he did helped me have compassion and forgiveness, but I still suffered the consequences of those decisions.

I cannot prevent bad things from happening to good people, including myself, but if I were to be frustrated with everything I didn’t understand or like, I would explode and not be able to function. ‘Why me?’ is not a productive question, shit happens, and we just have to do the best we can….

I learned that relationships work not because they are polyamorous or monogamous, but because of the kindness and dedication of the people involved. I learned that intimacy doesn’t depend on how much sex you have or how much time you spend together, but mutual understanding and compassion.

A couple who sleeps in the same bed and lives under the same roof can have no intimacy, while two people hundreds of miles apart interacting only through their phones can feel that their hearts are one. Love is more hardy than it is delicate, like a cactus,” Morgaine, Conscious Polyamory.

Damaged Goods

“Handle with care”

In a dispassionate world,

Navigating passive aggressive

Mind fields of manipulation,

Exploding at the least

Provocation.

Functioning in

Dysfunction

Triggers all around

Seemingly we persist

Until the day

We can no longer

Abide.

Perpetual victims,

Victimizing, Violating--

Abusive.

Broken Souls and Spirits

Inflicting pain upon the

Most vulnerable--

Hopeful.

Our Hearts Chaotic,

Bursting

With the agony of 

 Lessons long-learned:

Love is to

Suffer.

And so it goes…

Shattered" (The Rolling Stones Cover) -

Eddie Vedder & Jeanne Tripplehorn,

Eddie Vedder performing "Shattered" by The Rolling Stones with Jeanne Tripplehorn (as Julie Andrews)

at a fundraiser for Heal EB. Directed by Lance Bangs Donate to Heal EB here: http://bitly.com/Donate_HealEB

"Les Bijoux," Charles Baudelaire

La très chère était nue, et, connaissant mon coeur,
Elle n'avait gardé que ses bijoux sonores,
Dont le riche attirail lui donnait l'air vainqueur
Qu'ont dans leurs jours heureux les esclaves des Mores.

Quand il jette en dansant son bruit vif et moqueur,
Ce monde rayonnant de métal et de pierre
Me ravit en extase, et j'aime à la fureur
Les choses où le son se mêle à la lumière.

Elle était donc couchée et se laissait aimer,
Et du haut du divan elle souriait d'aise
À mon amour profond et doux comme la mer,
Qui vers elle montait comme vers sa falaise.

Les yeux fixés sur moi, comme un tigre dompté,
D'un air vague et rêveur elle essayait des poses,
Et la candeur unie à la lubricité
Donnait un charme neuf à ses métamorphoses;

Et son bras et sa jambe, et sa cuisse et ses reins,
Polis comme de l'huile, onduleux comme un cygne, 

Passaient devant mes yeux clairvoyants et sereins;
Et son ventre et ses seins, ces grappes de ma vigne, 

S'avançaient, plus câlins que les Anges du mal,
Pour troubler le repos où mon âme était mise,
Et pour la déranger du rocher de cristal
Où, calme et solitaire, elle s'était assise.

Je croyais voir unis par un nouveau dessin
Les hanches de l'Antiope au buste d'un imberbe,
Tant sa taille faisait ressortir son bassin.
Sur ce teint fauve et brun, le fard était superbe!

— Et la lampe s'étant résignée à mourir,
Comme le foyer seul illuminait la chambre
Chaque fois qu'il poussait un flamboyant soupir,
Il inondait de sang cette peau couleur d'ambre!

Charles Baudelaire

"Jewels" English Translation-The Paris Review

Les Fleurs du Mal