George

"Lovely as a summer's day...

Distant as the milky way...,"

Stevie Wonder

The "Compassionate Cardinal"

Y'all have to understand:  I'm alone--A.L.O.N.E. No one else is gonna save or protect me.

Being A.L.O.N.E. can be terrifying while at the same time liberating.  I often wonder though if I'm strong enough to manage all of that freedom. On one hand, being an introvert way more content with my own company without having a lot of social connections is empowering.  Then again, it's not easy being so independent to even ask for help when desperately needed. 

As a widowed "elder orphan," the realization that I am no longer a priority in most people's lives is definitely a rude awakening. Austin's Big Freeze of 2023 could have easily thrown me into a major depression. The old me would have been cryin' copious tears about how my life has turned to shit; how life is so unfair,  how I can't handle "it" anymore- blah, blah, blah.... blah.

But ya know what? Considering all the stress I've been under lately, 

I've handled "it"--maybe not perfectly but without a self-indulgent pity party.  I guess approaching age 67 my wrinkled skin has also thickened. I really have to wonder if others so typically critical would have been able to handle "it" as well if they were as absolutely and almost utterly A.L.O.N.E.

Hey, don't be too impressed though. I'm not the sharpest tack in the box. I tend to be a "people pleaser" against my better judgment. I will admit to not knowing everything or anything for that matter. I will readily admit to not being "right" all if any of the time.

You all have NO idea how much I've struggled with self-confidence over a lifetime. Yet I've somehow managed to find fulfillment much more than less. Hard work, perseverance, calculated risk-taking, as well as a lot of luck both good and bad have served me well overall. Still some lessons-learned have been painfully difficult, requiring a transformative shape-shifting in order to survive and thrive,  reborn every single day.

Lest curiosity kill the crab, due diligence is my ally. A seeker of knowledge if not absolute truth, I'm a problem solver for the most part--not a "shit stirrer."  A creature of compromise, I look for solutions not ways of creating more problems. So there's the difference.

Sheltered in a warm, cozy outer shell, protecting a soft, vulnerable core, I very well might be a "bad-ass." I am a Cancer, one of the four cardinal signs of the zodiac after all. That in and of itself is something of which to be proud.😁

"Faster than the speeding light, she's flying
Trying to remember where it all began
She's got herself a little piece of Heaven
Waiting for the time when Earth shall be as one,"

"Ray Of Light,"

Madonna Ciccone, William Orbit, 

Christine Ann Leach, 

Clive Muldoon, 

Dave Curtiss,

Sir Dagger and the Cosmic Contractor

"The truth is, when it comes down to it,

being a decent human being matters a great deal.

At the end of the day, you’ll be judged by your character

and the things that you do when it’s not comfortable,"

"Doing the Right Thing..."

Once upon a time in the Kingdom Of Lakeway, Sir Dagger arrived from a far away land to stake his claim and spread his abundant seed.

 
Seeking adventure and conquest, Dagger roamed almost daily for two weeks. Inexplicably, his guardian the "free-spirited" White Wizard of Decks aka "cosmic contractor" enabled his charge by refusing to close the back yard gate. Alas, local villagers spent each day looking for Dagger albeit a friendly pup but obsessed with a young princess, ripe with desire. Sadly her caretaker felt as if Dagger was stalking her young charge and was terrified to leave the safety of her home even for a leisurely stroll.

So having a better understanding of the situation, I had numerous talks with "cosmic contractor" about keeping Dagger in the yard by simply closing and bolting the gate. He responded, "Well, this is his last day here anyway." I replied, "It doesn't matter. Our entire village is in turmoil, fearing Dagger is a stalker and potential rapist. With the utmost humility, I implored him to please keep the gate closed and bolted.

 

Did it do any good? Alas, Hell the f😡 no. A couple of hours later, a kind villager showed up at my front door to tell me that Dagger was lurking at the home of "his beloved's." Apparently, "cosmic contractor" had already taken off to look for him. Armed with my neighbor's dog treats, we also embarked. Still wearing fuzzy house slippers, I scurried down the street to keep pace with my cohorts.

Then like an ethereal luminescent presence, Dagger appeared in the distance, seemingly happy to be found and ready for his notorious adventure to end. A yummy treat his reward, I leashed Dagger to walk back to my house while "cosmic contractor" returned from the hunt to finish his work.

Determined to restore peaceful goodwill, my own sweet pup, Lady Bri joined me to sit with Dagger for the rest of the afternoon. Then it happened. "Cosmic contractor" deliberately left the gate open, as if Dagger would follow his command to stay. I quipped, "I have to close the gate because Bri would most definitely explore," chasing wildlife one of her simple canine pleasures.

Seriously, why we believe dogs with the mental capability of toddlers are any more reliable is a mystery. Would we leave a three-year-old child in a yard with an open gate? The mind boggles. Most importantly, is it really such a big deal to keep gates closed? SMDH.

In spite of everything though, I would hire "cosmic contractor" again. He's incredibly talented, some would say a craftsman. The back deck looks like a work of art, cascading down to the yard.

 
It's a matter of respecting me, my neighbors, and our community. If consistently closing the gate is an issue, then Dagger would have to stay in the dog run when unsupervised. So whether or not he works here again is not my call: it's "cosmic contractor's."

And we all have the chance to live happily ever after.

"Who Let the Dogs Out,"

Baha Men

\

Pocket money...

There-

Under an old jewelry box,

A very small Brazilian bag, 

With a twenty-dollar bill,

Neatly folded inside.

At least a decade ago

He must have

Hidden it

In a familiar place

For me to find

When needed

Then, Now,

Always.

Each and every day,

I pray

For you

And for those gone,

Yet still with us

In their own

Heavenly way

Forever

-Thank you.

**To my amazing husband, life partner, and best friend, George-

On what would have been our 30th with all my heart, soul, and love, Donna. 💓

"I say a little prayer for you,"

Burt Bacharach and Hal David,

Performed by

Aretha Franklin

In Loving Memory...

"The Lake Isle of Innisfree," W.B.Yeats

Linda (Sager) Morse

"The Wind Beneath My Wings"

October 31, 1947 – July 14, 2020

"Hero,"

Bette Midler,

Jeff Silbar and Larry Henley,

Songwriters

"A word after a word after a word is power," Margaret Atwood

 

"Spelling"

My daughter plays on the floor

with plastic letters,
red, blue & hard yellow,
learning how to spell,
spelling,
how to make spells.

I wonder how many women
denied themselves daughters,
closed themselves in rooms,
drew the curtains
so they could mainline words.

A child is not a poem,
a poem is not a child.
there is no either/or.
However.

I return to the story
of the woman caught in the war
& in labour, her thighs tied
together by the enemy
so she could not give birth.

Ancestress: the burning witch,
her mouth covered by leather
to strangle words.

A word after a word
after a word is power.

At the point where language falls away
from the hot bones, at the point
where the rock breaks open and darkness
flows out of it like blood, at
the melting point of granite
when the bones know
they are hollow & the word
splits & doubles & speaks
the truth & the body
itself becomes a mouth.

This is a metaphor.

How do you learn to spell?
Blood, sky & the sun,
your own name first,
your first naming, your first name,
your first word.

Margaret Atwood

"If I had a boat,"

Lyle Lovett

"By now it should be clear that the song is about freeing oneself from entangling, binding human relationships of all kinds. And so what started as a simple, fanciful image from childhood has evolved into a reflection of hundreds of years of men's lives and stories, of going out to sea, and riding off into sunsets, and pursuing dangerous work that makes it difficult or impossible or risky to pursue 'normal' familial bliss. And so while this is a simple song that lasts barely more than three minutes, it resonates with whole canons from the likes of Howard Hawks and Raymond Chandler."

"Angel," Sarah McLachlan

On what would have been your 68th birthday...

Not a day goes by that I don't think of you and smile.

Thank you for being my guardian angel

on Earth and in Heaven.

All of my love now and forever, Donna.

"In the arms of an angel,

Fly away from here...

You're in the arms of an angel,

May you find some comfort there,"

Sarah McLachlan